Monday, September 24, 2012

Positive Affirmations.

I always repeat this to myself every day and every time whenever i am free...

I am Strong,

I am Beautiful,

I can give birth Normally,

My uterus is healthy,

I trust my body,

I will have wonderful birth that i ever dream of,

My baby is healthy,

We will work together as a team,

And we will succeed as a team .


The time frame is getting shorter everyday...and i have been reading alot about breech babies, how to do C-sect scar massage, Practice the correct breathing technique and stay in happy mode.Right now i only focused on achieving my gentle birth.Its between me and HIM.I trust and tawakkal to HIM.
Hope everything will go smoothly and please pray for me ok dear friends? :)



Wednesday, September 19, 2012


Am stepping into 35 weeks today..Managed to come this far,with few minor heartbreak,but still manageable :).Still doing research about gentle birthing ,how to kembali kepada fitrah, :)

This final weeks , my body changed tremendously. From emotional side, to body side.I guessed adam is doing great inside my healthy womb.:)Wiggling,stretching u named it.hehehe..after this for sure i will missed this moment again..

But being pregnant also i tend to become more sensitive.Senang betul keluarkan air mata.Yang terbaru kes ibu muda camapk bayi yang baru dilahirkan kat luar tingkap.I dont judge her wrongly but dik u got choices dik.Tho i didnt know the truth behind it,u still got choices to repent whatever mistakes that u done.U can send the baby safely to Baby Hatch center.Anyway i believed the hikmah behind it.Only Allah know  what is behind the truth veil.

Oh baby Adam, as the time is very near to meet u,tak ada yang mummy buat melainkan berdoa agar kamu dilindungi sentiasa.U knew one thing Adam, i think your big brother will love u so much!Everythime Abang tertepuk mummy's belly he will say adik, soli..(sorry).hehehehe.Both of u are my angels sent from HIM to me.To be my sons ,it will take a great effort from both of u.It means that Both of u are strong mentally and emotionally.U will no matter  what course will fight towards the end and wont give up easily in any circumstances. Again sayang thank u for choosing me as your mother. :)

Insyaallah , we both can achieve gentle birth,and mummy welcome u with both heart and arm open. :)

Friday, September 14, 2012

Mari-mari menjamu mata... :)

Mari -mari membeli!!i was so into cloth diaper maniac or craze right now.I imagine my bam bam will look cute like the picture..hehehehehe.Sorry azryl kalu mummy tahu and belajar pasal cloth diaper ni dolu dolu, i would put this on your bottom tau.

Speaking about this...itti bitti is the most popular brand in aussie because of the cuteness and performance.I read alot of good review about this brand.Wether it is AIO, SIO even the tutto type.Its trim and not bulky at all.Easy to handle.Tho i still nee to watch youtube how to handle it especially washing them.Its quite pricey a bit but momantai..since got this only cost 66 ringgit per piece compared to 88 ringgit per piece.hehehehehehehhe.and get one free as well.
BummiaKids is currently taking order on this promo.Hurry up!! while stock last.

P/s :mummy buy tutto it will fits u adam from newborn till a year old . :).wink!wink!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Permulaan sebuah Perjuangan

Setiap perjuangan dimulai dekngan sejengkal langkah...

Sedari kecil, kita diajar bagaimana berikhtiar untuk hidup.Untuk Hidup ilmu disi di dalam dada ..Tanggungjawab setiap ibu bapa terhadap anak-anak mereka..

Dan pabila sampai beberapa ketika tibalah masa untuk kita diuji, sejauh manakah tahap prestasi kita pada takat itu.Hmm...

Entry ini ditujukan khas buat adik adik yang mengambil UPSR.Adik me juga tak bongsu itu.UPSR Permulaan ujuian duniawi bagi pelajar-pelajar rendah di Malaysia ini.

Peh! Masih ingat lagi mak buyong ni di zaman pekse dolu-dolu..mak tak study maut macam bebudak zaman sekarang nih..tak ade tuisyen bagai.hehehehe..Tapi lepas jugak entah macam mana...
B dalam matematik .Yang len semua A.Mak buyong ni dolu agak bengaps sikit dalam bab mengira nih.Entah kenapa susah beno nak masuk.Tapi sebenarmya mat la paling senang.Tak yah menghapai semua.Kira sahaja.hehehehe.Kompom dapat jawapan.Kalu Subjek lain tak hapai mampus wo...

Buat adik-adik jangn nervous , jangan kabut..ini cuma permulaan bagi menempuh alam menengah.Percayalah..

Buat terhabis baik.Jangn sibuk nak check jawapan betul ke tak ngan orang lain..fokus subjek akan datang.Insyaallah..semuanya pasti baik-baik aja. :)

Sunday, September 9, 2012

One step closer....

I have died every day waiting for u..
darling dont be afraid i have love u,
for a thousand years..
And love u for a thousand more....

Specially dedicated to both my guardian angels.Azryl and Adam..


My second baby boy will be name after the first Messenger of HIM..Adam.

Day by day my edd is getting closer..and Azryl tantrum has slowed down a bit.Seriously when u knew how to tackle the toddler after studied his attitude its will become much more easier to handle them

Azryl feel the presence of his brother.Deep in his heart he knew that soon he is going to be big brother.Nowdays..whenever i got free time snuggling with him in front of the tv, i will take his hand and asked him to say hi to his adik.huhu..He will say Hi adik. :)

Anyway, i have a lot  of time writting in my blog because usually around this time he will usually take his short nap.:)Kalu tak tido mulalah jap lagi..drama keaktifannya bermula.ade jer tak kena sebab badan letihkan..Dah la bangun awal.hmm..cari nahas kalu tak tido.

Tomorrow dah start kerja as usual .And i memang cuak la time nak balik kerja sekarang takut banjir kilat macam last tuesday.I stranded in the jam for bloody 5 hours woo..huhu..scary mak.

Harapnya esok baik baik aja..

till then  xoxoxo

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Random churp during weekend.

The weather slightly gloomy, its noon and my son just having his afternoon nap.Probably wake up around three o'clock.Supposed to attend one of my bestfriend open house but i dun think azryl's condition allowed me to go.He will make alot of fuss and at the end of the day i will just walk out without eating anything.
so staying at home quietly and entertain his need is good idea.

I havent done my junior laundry yet.Just bought kiddie wash to wash his clothes.I need to pre wash my cd's as well.huhu..I also not yet finish reading books regarding gentle birth.And right now with the gloomy weather also make my mood even gloomier...

I have to really organize everything soon before junior pop up and say hi.The thing is whenever u want everything to be perfect ..thats why come this serabut feeling.But if u let it go with the flow and do necessary stuff only then it would turn out to be not that bad..

Okla i want to stop mumbling and babbling now.hehehehe.

Happy weekend everybody :)

Friday, September 7, 2012

The Birth-Faith Irony: Who Are We Really Relying On?

A Well written article from one of my Guru to achieve gentle birth.Already got permission from her to publish this on my wall blog. ;)

A WESTERN woman from Europe approaches a woman of the East. She says, “I would think that in a country like yours, being conservative and being Muslim-majority, that there would be many more homebirths than hospital births, as it would be closer to your beliefs.”
The woman of the East – a Muslim – answers that this isn’t the case in her country – and in fact, it is in completely the opposite. She continues to describe the standard birthing scene that a woman in her country has to undergo...
A passer-by, of the same Eastern country, scoffs quietly. “How insulting. And I suppose this Western woman also believes we hang from trees and bathe in mud. We ARE modern, you know.”
It is easy to feel insulted at such comments made by our Western peers, but in retrospect, there is so much truth in it. As a natural birth advocate, I agree totally in what the “Western” woman had to say. But for those who are not on the natural birth bandwagon, it may sound incredulous that homebirths have anything to do with religious beliefs.
The country I come from is a Muslim-majority country, and one that churns out babies by the dozen to boot. I nearly have half a dozen myself, but that’s not the point. The irony of the “Western” statement above is that though Malaysia comes across as conservative and somewhat religious in many ways, she prides herself in modernity and technological advancements in the medical industry – both dangerous and detrimental to her birth culture.
Birth, for natural birthers, is part of a journey for the female form, the medical industry parades it in a different way – in a very “Western” way, one might say. The majority of women birth in hospitals, not at home, and along with hospitals come intervention, protocol, fears of litigation and medically-induced complications. Why is this contrary to faith?
While for many, medicallised births seem the way to go. Why would anyone want to avoid medical interventions, when they are supposedly there to save lives? And why on earth would anyone have their babies at home when there are machines at hospitals that can gauge progress and complications? Contrary to this popular belief, there is plenty of statistical data that proves that even the minute intervention, including monitoring, causes the birth process to become jagged and distrubed, leading to a cascade of interventions that cause potential harm to both mothers and babies.
Birth is rushed along in government hospitals where capacity is usually the pressing issue. Women are admitted and treated like sick patients, hurried along a factory line, and in many cases emerge with distasteful experiences. Some wards have been likened to jail cells, with birthing mothers – in raging on oxytocin – are left strapped down in fear and doubt, causing hindrances for her baby to be born gently. These women are often engulfed in protocol and timelines, and leave the hospital as quickly as they arrive.
In private practice, where the underlying motive for the birth industry is profits, medical intervention is the cultural norm, with inductions being scheduled even weeks before the infamous EDD, regardless of the health of the mother and baby. Scare tactics also run high, as do non-emergency and elective Caesarean sections (c-sections).
Walk along any neighbourhood and throw a few rocks, at least half will hit women who have had to undergo c-sections at birth, the remaining of those rocks will probably hit women how have had traumatic vaginal experiences.
Still, this has nothing to do with faith? It does, as it does with having knowledge. The art of birth has been lost along the tresses of time in this country, Malaysia, and birth is often feared and ridiculed, associated with pain, trauma and even death. Few women are even aware that they are able to birth their babies on their own, not only withouth medical intervention or “assistance” but without doctors themselves. This isn’t to say that every woman who is expecting a baby should go ahead and plan an unassisted birth, but they should at least be aware how birth was designed by Allah SWT, and how they too were designed to birth, mostly without assistance. They should also at least be aware of the perils of birthing in a hospital, coupled by the hazards of medical intervention, no matter how small.
By understanding a little more about pregnancy and birth, women would be able to be better care providers for themselves rather than rely on medical judgement for non-medical conditions like pregnancy and birth. Over-reliance on hospitals in communities that are perceived as more conservative or religious is really becoming an oxymoron. There is so much more to birth than meets the doctor’s eye, and it is for us women, to try to learn and understand further, and to have faith that our bodies are able to birth our babies.
Having a little more knowledge takes us on leaps and bounds of our faith. In the Qur’an, the womb is known as “mekiynin,” defined as the term “secure receptacle,” or a powerful, sound, unshakeable, fixed object that is designed by Allah SWT. By knowing this alone, mothers would stop consenting to unnecessary inductions that usually happen out of convenience and allow babies to be born on their own accord without rushing the womb along through augmentation or even a c-section.
The one, single birth mentioned in the Qur’an was the birth of Prophet Isa (AS), where his beautiful mother, Maryam (RA), birthed him on her own, assisted only by Allah SWT.
To have the perfection of Maryam is a feat on its own, with one whole verse in the Qur’an named after her. But to come close to having that type of tawakkul – the feeling of complete submission – will allow us to have our babies in gentler, safer environments, without bright lights, without dangerous medical intervention, without prejudice and judgement... and maybe even at home. Who knows?
The compounded irony of the European “Western” woman’s statement is that the highest rates of homebirth are recorded in some European countries, and these have the best outcomes for both mothers and babies; whereas countries with high rates of hospital births have the worse effects on mothers and their babies. Yet we feel insulted when we are culturally associated with homebirths as this discredits the modernisation that is paraded by the medical industry. Oh, the irony.
We need to let go of the fear that is fuelling our reliance on the medical industry and start believing in ourselves. And we certainly shouldn’t feel insulted if an outsider thinks we should. It’s not because we are backwards or under-developed. It’s about having a shimmer of faith in what is natural and letting the gift of birth shine through as per its design by Allah SWT.

*** Maria Zain never thought she would become a birth junkie after two disasterous medical births but things changed a bit when she caught baby number three on her own. Now between homeschooling her four children (yes, number 4 was also born at home), writing and editing, she is honing in onto birth advocacy with a du’a that all mothers will have their own empowering births.


Something to Ponder :)

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Positive Vibes for my birthing...

Oh ..positive energy please please come and surround me....with all the positive ion not the negative one please..hehehehe

Nowadays..whenever i got time..during lunch hour or late at night..i would definitely do some reading regarding gentle birth..there are two e-books i should finish before deliver.I am 100% considering of having VBAC.And i might consider to have lotus birth as well. :)

So  much to read but yet so little time.Whenever i got question there always a professional would help in this matter.Such as how to minimize the tear part at the perineum area..Do u know that our diet played important role in skin elasticity? I have no idea about that till i do some reading about it.Good healthy fats play important role for the elasticity of the skin especially at the perineum area and of course the way how u give birth.

Every night i will do the kegel exercise and visualize that my baby will come through the correct birth highway not the short cut one.hehehe.And always pat this enormous tummy nowdays.."Hey handsome, kindly help mummy to get u out to this world because i want to welcome u with my warm body and showered u with lots of love..the second u enter this world.Do not fear of anything because mummy and your brother will be always be with u...

Visualization is important in having gentle birth.Imagine the flower is blooming just like our cervix to open cm over cm until fully dilated.... and the baby is crowning..huhu so beautiful..

Anyway i am still doing some reading about successful VBAC.. watching some videos and i am truly inspired by this wonderful women..who had their successful VBAC whether at the hospital or at home..

P/s:Office mate kata perut i dah turun sikit.hehehehe.Nak dekat kah?I havent done laundry on the baby clothes yet.huhu..nedd some time to do this as the cuaca nowdays tak menentu la...haiyo...

Which one would u choose?

HAri ni mak buyong nak buat sesi meluahkan perasaan sikit.Dah lama tak meluahkan perasaan kat sini especially hal-hal berkaitan rumah dan tangga.

Believed it or not..My marriage has gone through many difficulties , up and down,and hingga kini masih kekal lagi walau adakala hati ini tertanya-tanya sampai bila harus bertahan..dan apa yang diri ini inginkan dalam perkahwinan ini.Dan alhamdullillah me dikelilingi oleh insan-insan ,rakan-rakan yang tidak prejudis dan berfikir skeptikal dalam berkongsi suami.Yolah..tak semua orang boleh terima ye dok?Buleh la dikira dengan jari..

Bila duduk berjauhan dan dimadukan pulak tu..segla tugas dan tanggungjawab kebanyakannya me pikul seorang diri.Sampai bila ?ini yang menjadi tanda tanya..sebabnya sesi berjauhan untuk masa yang lama tidak elok untuk pertumbuhan anak-anak yang semakin meningkat usianya.Sesekali apabila badan ini tidak mampu lagi untuk mengerah tenaga dalam diri yang semakin memberat ni,tiba-tiba timbul la prasangka yang tidak enak dan tidak patut disebut lansung oleh setiap isteri yakni PENCERAIAN.

Sok-sek sok me dengan seorang rakan baik yang bapanya juga beristeri dua telah membuka persepsi baru dalam hidup me.Rasanya akal dan fikiran ini merasakan tindakan ini wajar dalam menaakul segala tindakan agar tidak memudaratkan dikemudian hari.

Ini antara perbualan me dengan sahabat karib me.Kakak la since umurnya lagi jauh bexanya terhadap me."Lin, mak aku isteri kedua.."rumah isteri pertama dengan rumah mak aku sepelaung jer tapi bapak aku sebulan 2 kali jer balik rumah weh.Mak aku memang jiwa kental la wei.Memang dia buat pekak la apa orang nak kata pasal rumahtangga dia.Orang kata dia perampas la, perosakla..bini tua ayah aku langsung tak bagi bapak aku balik rumah jenguk anak.Sampai anak-anak yakni kitaorang ni memang suruh mak aku bercerai la.Ni jawab mak aku"Yang korang sibuk hal dalam kain mak bapak kau kenapa, Kira syukurla bapak ko ingat nak bagi nafkah kat korang,korang tak pernah berlapar pun.Apa lagi naik tangan kat aku .Nak buat mana dah bapak kau kawin dua.."Asal korang cukup makan pakai udah.Sambung kawan me lagi.."Mak aku tak kerja lin..and memang kitaorang time bapak balik tu berkecamuk la lari nak jumpa bapak ..sebab dia sesekali balik kan..Tapi time kitorang kecik dulu-dulu mak aku memang dah bitau siap-siap yang bapak kitaorang kawin dua..kalu dia tak ade maknanya dia kat umah bini pertama."Kitaorg ok jer..paham sebab tu kitaorg dengan adik beradik tiri tak ade masalah.Tapi bila time jenguk bapak aku sakit dulu memang terasa macam orang asingla..sebab dia stay kat umah bini tua kan?Last-last bila bini tua ayah aku mati dulu..anak-anak dia datang jumpa mak aku and mintak maaf atas sebab bapak aku tak dapat berlaku adil terhadap kitaorng sebab mak depa tak bagi bapak aku jenguk dia ngan anak-anak.

Sambung kawan me lagi.."Ko kena kuat l lin dalam hal ni,ko kena ingat yang cinta tolak tepi yang penting anak-anak ko cukup makan pakai wei.Bukan senang nak besarkan anak ko sendiri.Ni ko still boleh lagi memekak mintak duit kat dia hari-hari.Ko ingat bila dah cerai dia nak tanggung lagi ke ..time tu berjuta alasan wei dia akan bagi kat hakim.Elok elok dia bagi ko 3 ribu sebulan last last jadi 5 ratus sebulan.Time tu ko suffer habis la.

Kau kena ingat lin sekrang ni DUIT nak hidup yang penting.(oh kawanku..heheheh).LAki tinggal sebumbung pun belum tentu bagi nafkah cukup wei.Ko syukurla anak ko minum susu mahai, baju mahai,ko pulak tak kelaparan hari-hari.Gaji ko sekrang ni tak lepas lagi nak hidup sorang-sorang.Lain la kalu ko dapat gaji bos ko.Tu aku tak halangla ko nak dok sendiri wei.

Sambung dia lagi sambil tu me menarik nafas dalam dalam dan berfikir...sambil mendengar..
 Selagi dia tak naik tangan kat ko, selagi ko call dia mintak duit and dia tak kisah pun bagi bapa banyak kat ko..selagi anak ko pakai banayk duit nak-nak time kecik kecik ni..ko lantakkan aja semuanya.Dah kahwin lin, ko tak buleh nak expect apa orang lain dapat ko pun dapat jugak.Dah tersurat dugaan ko macam ni sebab tuhan tahu ko boleh handle.Bini tua dia tak kacau kau kan?Laki ko pun bukan sebulan 2 kali balik kan..time keje kat sini aku tengok ko hari hari berdating time lunch..kira ok la tuh!Ko nak macam mana lagik.Ini jalan yang kau pilih and untuk anak-anak ko tak kelaparan and tak cukup serba serbi..baik la ko stay macam ni dulu.Baik duit ko cukup setiap bulan dari ko terpaksa cut semua benda gara-gara nak puaskan naluri ko sebgai pompuan.Nanti ko tension dengan duit tak cukup..anak-anak ko jadi mangsa keadaan.Dahla mak janda bapak tak ade,makan pakai tak cukup.

Ok me terkesima..true..very very true indeed.JAdi hati bertabahla..Bukan senang..tapi ya me tidak menidakkan apa yang dia cakap.Keputusan BERCERAI bukan dalam hidup me buat masa ni.Dan harapnya ini perkahwinan yang pertama dan terakhir buat me.

Masa kedepan me tidak lagi pasti..Tapi yang pasti buat masa ini me masih perlukan dia dalam membesarkan anak-anak me or in directly saying his money.(oh kejam).muahahahahahahaa.

Ok tamat sudah sesi luahan perasaan...maybe ada yang tidak sependapat dengan me tapi memang tak suka buat benda separuh jjalan sebolehnya me nak benda itu menjadi.Dari dulu lagi me memang macam ni.Alang-alang melawan arus biarla sampai ke tepi tebing bukan tenggelam ke dasar laut dan biar lemas terhadap kekangan keadaan. :)

Sekian Wallauhalam.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

On Gentle birthing and immediate bonding.

Seperti yang i cakap in the previous entry..last time i couldn't be bother whether my second son born through c-sect again or not..but again after hearing and reading about the powerful mommies out there about their birth stories ..I felt so touched, and their strories were so beautiful and really inspired me a lot.

My experienced of giving birth azryl was not that bad.But i regret i couldn't had immediate bonding after he was born as he was snatched by nurse to clean him.And i was allowed to kiss welcome him for bloody 2 sec!After that i didn't see him anymore as my open stomach need to close back after cut open wide .I was vomiting non-stop due to the anesthetic side effect.And my leg felt numb made me cannot walked tho i tried so many times.I only managed to gathered my last strength during midnite with my urine bag still intact with me .I walked step by step very very slowly to asked the nurse where was my baby.I asked them to pull that urine bag from me.Its so painful u know a tube stuck in your vagina.huhuhu.

I should calmly waited  azryl to arrive on his own sweet time.No such thing as overdue.Because baby knew the best.He was instructed By Angel when to come out to see me .But being a new mom with lack knowledge of birthing i allowed for the unnecessary c-sect.When i rewind back the memory i felt so sorry towards azryl.I should gave him the warmest welcome that he should get.Not by the way he was treated at that time.Handled harshly by nurse and doctors.He was purposely got spanked by the doctors to get the best apgar score and his cord aka placenta the tree of life which support his life were immediately cut as soon as he was out from my tummy.I should calm him as the new environment was totally make him felt scared.but i was so helpless with arm and leg stretched open and strap i just could watched him.Bukan tak bersyukur semuanya selamat..but when u have gentle birth ...its between your faith towards GOD and your inner strength alone.U could welcome your baby in the most gentle way as it should be.

This time nobody could interfere my own birth the mother is the one who should take control.Huhu.I learned a lot from mistakes.This time no unnecessary interventions such as artificial membrane breaks,induce pills,unnecessary c-sect,and i will wait patiently until the little angel want to see me and his cheeky brother .There are some methods to reduce the surge aka contractions..Why must we fear the labor as its the privilege given by God towards us WOMEN.our uterus aka RAhim bersempena dengan nama pemurah-NYA.

This time i also want to make my breastfeeding mission successful.There are no such thing of tak cukup susu and gave up easily by giving him a cow milk unnecessarily.Of course its enough.Its us who didnt believed that rezeki anak telah tersurat semenjak ia berada dalam rahim ibu lagi.Why must we deny it?No other outsider intervention during my confinement days as this time i want to make sure both of my prince were near to me..i want to straighten the bond between abang and adik..and them towards me their mother.I can do it.I believed in myself. :)because i got the most powerful antidote that god god had given me..MY CHILDREN.nothing else matters.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Unconditionally love

being a mom has open myself into different dimension.Tend to be more patient,forgive easily and change the way i think about life.

I love both of my son too much.Tho i kekadang marah my eldest i will explain why i marah.It doesnt meant that i didnt love him...i just want him to be a better person..better off then me.I will easily cried whenever my eldest son is sick.Oh my...memang 360 degrees change kidding.

Tengok dia dah tido pun sekrang ni and yet i missed his appearance and mulut becok tu.There will be a new addition of azryl soon,and i think nobody could do anything harm towards us.As i am going to be the best protective shield ever.Love both of u too much sons.